Staying trapped out of fear of letting people down? Read this:
“Just because he loves you doesn’t mean you have to love him back.” As a teenager discovering ‘boys’ for the first time, I received this advice one lunchtime from an Older Girl (you know, two whole grades up). She must have been very precocious for her age because as it turns out, that stands as some of the best advice I have ever received. And I’m not just talking about relationships.
When it comes to leaving that role (or moving on another stage in your life/business) these words crop up all the time:
They like me. They want me. They NEED me. Words that punch us in the gut every time. How can we move away from people who NEED us?
We all want to be wanted. We all like to be liked and needed. (Trust me on just how much I feel you on this).
But I’m going to be straight with you here: your employer or those clients or that person in your life that you think you will let down by moving on? They don’t need you.
Sure, they might they need someone filling your role but it does not have to be you. I mean it. Think about this:
If you left that situation tomorrow… in 3 months’ time what would happen to those people who ‘need you’?
Answer: 3 months on they will be FINE. Completely… fine.
But if you stay in that situation in which you feel trapped, in 3 months time will YOU be fine?
The belief that you are needed by that person or that team or whatever it is can cloud the fact that actually, you are dispensable. Sorry to say it, but there it is.
No matter how difficult their situation, no matter how many problems you believe may tumble out in your absence know this:
All those problems CAN AND WILL be overcome when you leave. Yes even if that means things crashing for a while first – which in most cases it won’t but even if it does – people can and will sort it all out.
I can’t count the times I stayed put out of fear of letting people down. There was that business that I KNEW would crash without me (it did…for a while. Now, it’s back up and bigger than ever). There was that partner (well, several) who I stayed with far too long because – if I was being honest with myself – I just KNEW they would collapse without me (they did. Now, they are doing more than fine, some in happy committed relationships, others thriving in their own way. One recently thanked me for having the guts to make the break. At least one other doesn’t speak to me. That’s fine too).
If you want to rescue anything, there’s something else that needs sorting out. Your LIFE. Your one and only life. In that case you are the only one who can do it. You are needed. All of you… including the part you are giving to that situation that dulls you down. Including the part of you are giving to those who are perfectly capable of functioning without you.
Of course, you may not want to hear this.
Being needed is seductive. Being wanted is hypnotising.
Honey, I can assure you that – if you don’t have it already – you can and will find a place in your life where those words “you are needed” and “you are wanted” are true and right and you welcome them.The situation you are in now, the one you are holding in your head as you read this post, is not that place.
What are you holding on to out of attachment to the belief that you are ‘needed’… beyond any needs of your own?